The Wedding

Well, I was in Cologne last weekend for the wedding of my boyfriend's brother. I already call my boyfriend's family my family in law, even though we aren't married, because we've been together for 6 years, he lived for years in Canada and I've been in Germany for two years, so since it's a serious relationship, I alreday consider them family.

Weddings here ( I was at the wedding of a friend in August) are very nice. Everybody dresses formal, but a German tradition makes the stuffy part go away pretty fast: friends and family of the bride and groom are supposed to think about presentations, games and something special they can organise for the day of the wedding. For exmaple, at both weddings someone had brought preadressed post cards and we had to write on them what we wish the newly weds, and we tied the cards to balloons and all let them go at the same time. during the weeks following the wedding, the newlyweds keep getting mail from the day of their wedding, if they're lucky enough that nice people find the postcards once the balloons come back down and these people bring them to the mail.

Otherwise, there are also some family members who sing songs, or organise games. For example, one game was that the bride and groom had to go to the front of the room, and sit on chairs, looking away from each other. They each had a womans'shoe and a man's shoe. Then, they have to answer questions, like "who cooks more often" by raising either the white shoe (representing the bride) or the black shoe,or both. The game starts out mildly, but soon gets interesting ("who proposed?" "who actually decides what goes on in the relationship?") It's really funny! ANd one variation of this game is that the bride and groom have to drink each time their answers differ.

There are tons of games like these, and it really is a big part of the wedding, which means that even though it can start off traditionally (champagne, three course dinner, etc) it gets pretty funny pretty fast.

On another note, I realised how weddings kind of accentuate existing tensions in the family. For example, my mother in law (boyfriend's mom). The first year that I was in Germany, every time my boyfriend would leave Berlin on vacation or whatever, she would call me and tell me I should go on a diet, suggest stupied recipies (cabbage soup for a week, wonderful) and I was really kind of insulted. Anyways, before the wedding, I hadn't seen her since June 2006, and had lost about 15 kilos (a bit over 30 pounds). I have a hard time believing someone doesn't notice that much of a weight loss. Heck, even the bf's dad noticed it! Well, my mother in law, the one for who it was SO important that I lose weight, didn't say a word. I was there for three days.

Then, it was my birthday last week. She knew I was staying at her place a couple of days later. I really don't care about the presents, but a card? Anything scribbled on a piece of paper? Nothing. Nada. Once again, even at the dad's house, I got presents and cake. At her place? hmm

Last but not least, for the wedding my boyfriend's mom had prepared a powerpoint presentation with the bride's mom in which you could see pictures of the bride and groom throughout ther lives. At one point, there were pictures of the bride and her family on ski vacation, and her mom says: "here is our family on ski vacation" and then comes up another picture, and my mom in law says something like "and here is OUR family on ski vacation". Who is on the picture? My mother in law, my boyfriend's bro, my boyfriend and ... his EX-girlfriend. How thoughtful. I've been with him for 6 years, you would think she might have the decency to leave that pic out?

I've left everything behind to come live here because I love her son madly, have learned the language, gotten a job, am studying all in German, and apprently, it STILL isn't enough for her.

Oh well. At least I have funny stories to tell. No family is perfect.