I haven't been ok in the last weeks. Driving myself nuts, waking up at night, staring at the ceiling, worrying about the future.
What will happen if? I have to apply now for the Master of Education. I literally made myself sick with worry about what would happen if I wasn't accepted.
Until. I reached a point where I just couldn't do it anymore. Three years ago, when I moved over here, I just sent my applications, quit my job, rented my apartment, gave all my stuff away, not knowing if I would even be accepted in my study field. I couldn't really speak the language, didn't know how uni worked here... I just trusted life and that all would be good. And everything worked out just fine. After three years, my grades are excellent, just as they were in Canada.
And now I'm driving myself crazy worrying about details and being afraid of everything.
Kind of pointless, because up til now, life has taken very well care of me. Everything works out.
Sometimes I have to accept that who I am and what I do is Good Enough.
Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars (Les Brown)
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6 comments:
Oh! My Pensée du Jour was right for you today! ;) xxx
I'm alwayz here... even if I don't write.
@claudine: oh, merci!
Je ne sais pas pourquoi ça arrive ces moments, des moments de doute, de crainte et de peur du futur, même si ça finit toujours bien... C'est chiant, je te comprends.
Right on! You obviously are daring in that respect and things seem to be working out smashingly well for you so let it go, silly French Canadian German Girly! You're damn smart & very driven. You'll do excellent. I'd bet my entire collection of naked girlies on it!!! =) Of course, it's the fear and staying awake that goes hand in hand with the striving for excellence so you'll never realy shake it. Muhahahaha!!! I know that feeling too well.
Dean: merci, je sais que tu sais...
Ratty: I know I'll never really shake it, but I hope I can learn to deal with it somehow so that it doesn't drive me crazy. It's like I'm always anticipating the next catastrophe or something... sheesh...
You will, after it happens another thousand times or so. =)
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